Our First Road Trip Adventure

Well, we can check road trip with baby off the list of firsts for our family. Isaac, my mom, and I braved the open road and headed off to Ndola, 320 km north of Lusaka. After many slow moving trucks, several police check points, numerous “abnormal loads” (see picture below), and three detours down a dirt roads with dust flying, we made it hot, sweaty, and dusty to Ndola. The drive was both beautiful and monotonous. This is definitely big sky country with mostly flat land and gentle rolling hills. Along the way, we saw scattered villages – mostly small brick buildings or round houses made of mud bricks with thatched roofs. There were also markets along the way selling vegetables and large numbers of watermelons which seemed an odd choice for a road side stand. Isaac was an absolute superstar during the drive. He only had a couple of meltdowns which were best solved with either taking him out of his car seat or feeding him. I’m continually amazed by him. He seems to be able to take everything in stride, even a 6 hour drive which was supposed to be 4.5 hours. By the end of it, we were all road weary, but feeling proud of ourselves for taking on this adventure. The purpose of our trip to Ndola was to visit with Njavwa, one of our Canadian friends who was born in Zambia, and to visit Mercy Touch, the orphanage and mission her family runs.

  The second day in Ndola we were taken to the orphanage. I was surprised that it seemed to be in the middle of nowhere – down a dirt road and in the middle of fields and forest. They own a large area of land which they have started farming to become more self sufficient. We had a tour of the farm which includes a banana plantation, ground nuts, vegetable plots, fish ponds, chickens, pigs, goats, and a bull. There are two very nice houses, one for girls and one for boys. The children were very interested to see us and all wanted to have their picture taken. Friday is the day the mission runs their feeding program. Local women in the community bring their children and receive a meal. Many are identified through the local clinic for the feeding program. Local volunteers keep track of the children’s weights and make sure they are growing properly. They also provide them with a soy supplement to add to their meals for the week. They certainly provide them each with a large meal which to our eyes looked like much more than a child could possibly consume in one meal, but as Njavwa explained, for many of these children, the meal they receive on Fridays will be the only sufficient meal they eat the whole week. The experience made me feel saddened, hopeful, and thankful. I was saddened by the lengths these women have to go to ensure their children receive a good meal, many walking some distance to attend the feeding program, and by the effects poverty has on their lives. I felt hopeful for the children who were in the orphanage. They appeared happy and well cared for. Each child attends a private school and has individualized plans for getting them into university or jobs once they are old enough as well as help finding accommodation. Mercy Touch really does provide excellent support to these children. I was so incredibly impressed with the work that Njavwa was doing. As a volunteer director of the organization, she has what appears to be an overwhelming task in keeping everything moving forward. It’s certainly not something that I think I would have been able to take on in my early twenties or now for that matter. Her goals are admirable: to start a preschool on site for the children in the orphanage who are now home schooled and for other children in the local community and to build a playground for the children. I was struck by the thought that these children would likely have such a small world without Mercy Touch. They appeared to be literally isolated from the outside world by having that long drive down a dirt road to reach the highway and then a much longer drive to reach the city of Ndola. But with the help of this NGO, their horizons have expanded to include school and seeing more than just the small village where they live. I also felt incredibly thankful for all that we have back home.

 

My mom and Njavwa with the local children.

Singing songs. They didn't understand the English songs, but silly actions made everyone laugh.

The local volunteers recording the children's weights.

Four boys from the orphanage playing checkers on a handmade board. The pieces are bottle caps.

Such a little sweetheart. Njavwa said that this little girl usually follows 

her around anytime she's at the orphanage.

  The next day, Njavwa, Isaac, and I went to Kitwe a town about 45 minutes away from Ndola. There’s a craft market there that we were interested in going to. Njavwa had arranged for a driver for the day and although, he had assured her that he knew where the market was, it became apparent that he actually had no clue where he was going. It’s been interesting to see the cultural differences between Zambians and Canadians, but that day I was able to observe the apparently universal trait of all men in their reluctance to ask for directions. We finally insisted that he pull over in a gas station and ask for directions. Once we reached the market, we realized that finding the craft section would be difficult. Thankfully, one of Njavwa’s many aunties came and rescued us and took us to the right location. It was fun bargaining, especially with someone like Njavwa, who definitely drives a hard bargain. I learned a few techniques and will definitely try to use these in the future.

  That night back at the hotel, we had a rude awakening at about 10pm. Yes, I realize this is kind of early, but we had all been asleep by 8pm after our exhausting day. The hotel reception was calling to let me know that I should move my car into the gated area of the hotel for security reasons. I questioned the woman as to why this would be necessary on our last night when we had already stayed there for two nights. She let me talk with the security guard who again reiterated that they were concerned for the security of my car which had been parked outside for two nights already. Realizing that it would be quicker to just go move the car than debate the safety of where it was parked, I went and met with the security guard, thanking him for his concern. After getting over my frustration, mostly at having Isaac woken up by the phone call, I realized that this might have been a case of the security guard’s concern for my car working on “African time”; two days late, but I guess, better than never.

  Our time in Ndola was interesting, but difficult. Isaac was off his nap schedule and we had long, restless nights. We have the location of our house in Lusaka programmed as “home” in our GPS. As I set the GPS to home for our return trip, I felt a longing that home actually meant Vancouver. To our little house on 2^nd Avenue with Markus and Gibson. To coffees on the Drive and walks to Trout Lake. To family dinners in North Van and visits with friends. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and in this case, that is certainly true. 

A Month In Zambia

It’s amazing to me how quickly time has passed. We’ve reached the month mark of our adoption adventure in Zambia. What a difference a month makes. It’s crazy how much life has changed in a relatively short period of time. I think back to the horrible waiting game fraught with anxiety and frustration to the pure happiness of meeting Isaac and the absolute joy of becoming a mom. Isaac has shown so many positive changes this month. It’s been so exciting to watch him flourish and develop new skills.

Isaac has become a water baby. He is now in love with the swimming pool. He really enjoys doing “laps” where I hold him out in the water and he gets to kick his little legs as we move across the pool. He also loves splashing in the pool and the bath especially if he gets both himself and his mother wet.

Isaac is now much happier in the car which makes for a less stressful drive for all. He’s also becoming more accepting of other forms of music. While I love a good rendition of Old MacDonald or Baby Beluga, it’s nice to be able to listen to music other than Raffi.

Isaac loves getting kisses, but has also started giving them. While they are a bit drooly, there is nothing sweeter. He has also started to laugh. At the orphanage he was very quiet, but now our days are filled with his laughter, squeals, and raspberries. One of Isaac’s favorite things to do is make raspberries while drinking from his bottle. I think he enjoys spraying himself and his mother with formula.

Isaac is getting stronger. He now loves to stand while being held. Really, anything that allows him to move his little legs and he is happy.

His hair is getting longer. He now has a lovely head of soft little curls.

Another big change in the last month is that Markus had to return to Vancouver. Isaac and I miss him so much and can’t wait until he’s able to come back to Lusaka around Christmas. My Mom arrived one day before Markus left and it was so awesome to see Isaac meet his Nana for the first time. As with Markus and I, it was love at first site for the two of them.

This month has also brought about changes in me. Seeing the culture shock that my Mom went through when she arrived made me realize how much more accustomed I’ve become to life in Zambia. I’m navigating the roads better and know where to go to get the things I need (most of the time). While life here has its challenges as does motherhood, I think we are managing to get by with a few tears, a lot of laughs, and an appreciation for all life has given us.

A Word About Driving

  Coming to a new country involves becoming acclimatized to many new things – food, culture, language, dress, sights, sounds, temperature, to name a few. As Zambia is a former British colony, we’ve also had the joy of becoming accustomed to a new way of driving - on the left (wrong) side of the road. Unfortunately, Zambia does not have those helpful “Look Left” signs that are all over the touristy areas in England.

  Learning to drive on the left side of the road has been an interesting experience. Everything is reversed in the car. Your signal indicator and windshield wipers are opposite to what we are used to. Markus and I were constantly turning on the wipers when we made a turn. Imagine already being somewhat terrified about making what feels like a horribly wrong turn and then suddenly having the wipers going. We definitely stood out like newbies. I find that I rarely look in my rearview mirror and instead look to my side mirror as I have to look to my left to see my rearview mirror which is just not automatic yet for me. Then there’s the fact that you get into the driver’s side on the opposite side of the car. Twice yesterday I went to the wrong side of the car, once sitting down in the passenger seat only to realize that I was missing some important things, like a steering wheel, brakes, gas peddle, etc.

  Lusaka is a city of speed bumps, most of them unmarked. You may find that you are driving down a road with huge speed bumps (called humps here) every 20 ft or so. While this makes for a rather bumpy ride at times, it definitely slows down traffic, which has been useful while I’m still learning to drive on the left. I couldn’t imagine attempting this in a country like Italy where the goal seems to be to go as fast as you possibly can down narrow roads that are more like the size of bike lanes. Driving in Lusaka is quite laid back which is a relief.

  Another benefit to driving a bit slower here is the high number of pot holes that seem to plague all the roads. At least when you drive a bit slower, you have a better chance of avoiding these holes in the road. Our road is particularly bad. Drivers appear to be drunk while going down our street as it’s not possible to drive in a straight line unless you don’t mind a popped tire. Adding to the challenge is that they have started to fill in the pot holes on our street with piles of broken rock. I’ve seen some workers starting to bash the rock into smaller pieces so that the street is a bit smoother. Unfortunately, this project has been left uncompleted so in addition to the unfilled pot holes we also have jagged rock piles interspersed along the road. I hope our little Toyota survives.

  Driving in Lusaka is also interesting due to the significant number of street vendors. Now, I’m not talking about people selling things on the sidewalk. No, in Lusaka, there are people selling various items right in the middle of the road. You can buy any number of items – clothing, fruits, vegetables, phone chargers, talk time for your phone, plungers, belts, sunglasses, notebooks, maps, wooden model ships. In fact, it’s very efficient. You don’t even need to get out of your car to buy something; they come right up to your window to make a sale. So far, I’ve bought avocados and talk time from the street vendors. The avocados were excellent. So in addition to looking out for pot holes and pedestrians, as well as making sure that you are turning into the right lane, you also need to be careful not to hit the street vendors who are in the middle of the road.

  Now, you may be thinking that this all doesn’t sound so bad, and in fact, I would agree with you. I’ve really started to get used to driving here. Except when you add a crying baby to the mix. Isaac hasn’t decided whether he likes his car seat or not. He’s definitely not one of those babies who are easily soothed to sleep in the car. The first time, Markus and I realized that Isaac really has a set of lungs was when we were stuck in traffic with him screaming. We’ve found that the one thing that makes car trips bearable for him is to sing Raffi songs almost continuously. I’ve often wondered as I’m driving down the road loudly singing Baby Beluga if people are looking at us and thinking “what’s that crazy white lady doing to that poor black baby”. I rather hope they are thinking that she’s doing whatever it takes. Thankfully with each car ride, Isaac seems to be less upset and my Raffi repertoire grows.

Getting to know Isaac and other lessons for a first-time mom

Here are some of the things that I've learned and love about Isaac:

 

Isaac likes to eat. You don’t want to get between that man and his bottle.

Isaac likes his bath. I think this picture highlights his rolls particularly well. Can you have a six pack on your arms?

Isaac likes to read books.

Isaac likes a well caffeinated mother. Our first coffee shop outing.

Isaac likes the pool (kind of). 

 

Isaac is happiest when being held.

Other lessons for a first-time mom:

Isaac doesn’t show many effects of living in an orphanage for the first five and a half months of his life, however, there was one behaviour in particular that stood out to me as unusual for a baby Isaac’s age. Isaac was amazing at putting himself to sleep. We would simply put him in his travel crib with his little bunny and he would talk himself to sleep. You will notice that these last two sentences are in the past tense. Part of attachment building is developing the bond that your baby knows you are a person that he can trust and look to for comfort. Isaac now knows that it’s way better to fall asleep in either his mom’s or dad’s arms; falling asleep alone with a bunny – not so much. I know that I should be thankful that he has been able to so quickly start attaching to us, but a small part of me (I feel guilty even writing this) misses the easy to bed Isaac.

Similar to the experience of wearing a mask while working with a patient on droplet or airborne precautions, I inevitably get an itchy face while holding a sleeping Isaac. Should you scratch that itch? The answer is no, most definitely no.

Having a baby is a sure fire way to improve your bicep strength – who needs boot camp?

I have had moments of extreme guilt that I’m not following the recommendations of the “experts” in getting my baby to sleep. I’ve realized and have been encouraged by friends that experts are meant to be ignored at times.

I’ve learned that anything that impedes your baby’s sleep is to be hated. Our travel bed is much too low and Isaac wakes up easily when putting him down. All the hard earned effort of getting him to sleep is wasted in that 3 seconds of slow motion lowering into the bed. I’ve also learned that I would probably pay anything for things that help a baby sleep. The Ergo carrier – definitely worth more than we paid for it. Now, if I could just find a way to sleep at the same time as walking – that’s something that I would pay money for.

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Laundry is a way of life, especially with a baby that spits up a lot.

I often wondered before how new mothers had no time to shower. It wasn’t a judgment, more of a question – how is this possible? I’ve realized that it’s not so much that I don’t have time, it’s that in my tired state with the knowledge that I’ll soon be covered in baby spit up, I wonder what’s the point. I’m happy to inform everyone though that I’ve still been showering regularly. I realized that the bags under my eyes are less noticeable if my hair is clean.

I’m learning to be gentle with myself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither were mothering skills. Fortunately, Isaac won’t remember the many screw-ups we’ve already made, but hopefully he’ll feel the love we have for him as we try to figure things out and navigate the scary and wonderful world of parenting.