Independence

Well, we now have our first week of daycare under our belts. It feels like a success. Isaac handled everything very well. He still cries when I drop him off, but the tears only last a couple of minutes. He then plays happily while I'm gone. I think the day care workers have been impressed by his appetite - most people are. I'm happy that he's happy, but I've been feeling a little strange about the whole thing. I couldn't put my finger on what was causing these feelings a first and then I realized that this was Isaac's first independent thing. Day care is his world and I have very little contact with it. After being attached at the hip for almost a year, it's strange to think that he has something that's separate from me. That's not to say that I've never left him with others, but it's always been with family or close friends and I've always had a good understanding of what the day entailed. With day care, I have a general gist of what goes on, but I'll never really know everything that he's doing. Obviously this is a good thing. He has to slowly build his independence over time and I certainly don't want to be a mother that smothers him, but I guess it all feels a little bitter sweet. I'm proud of him, but sad for the loss of our time together. I'm sure this won't be the last of these feelings. The push-pull of motherhood. Wanting your child to develop a sense self and identity, but at the same time wanting to know all about it. Wanting them to go out into the world as confident, independent people, but at the end of the day, hoping they come home wanting to share some of what they experienced. We're just at the start of this grand adventure. I'm glad it's been a good one.

He looks so big in this photo. Definitely a toddler.

It's nice to have reminders though that he'll always be my baby.