How times have changed

  Last night, Markus and I had a evening out. We were celebrating my sister's and future brother-in-law's engagement with their wedding party. Let's just say that the wine was flowing and this morning I was feeling a little less than stellar. Pre-Isaac, days like this would have involved a greasy breakfast and chilling on the couch for a good part of the day. How times have changed. Today, we were off to the pumpkin patch. I just felt like I couldn't miss his first pumpkin patch experience, even with the pounding head ache and still queasy stomach. I have to say it was well worth it. Isaac was mesmerized by the production this farm in Richmond puts on. There was a band with dancing vegetables, a train, hay rides, animals, and of course, all the pumpkins. We had a blast picking out our pumpkins. And when we got home, we all enjoyed a nice, long nap. :)

On the hay ride. Isaac had this wide eyed, mesmerized look for the whole ride. There was just so much to see!

Isaac and I with my Nan and Mom, and of course, our pumpkins.

Helping Daddy carry the pumpkin.

This is the one!

My little pumpkin.

 

Semantics

   The longer Isaac is with us, the less often I think of adoption. In Zambia, I was constantly reminded of our adoption – paperwork wasn’t finalized, we stood out visually and lacked anonymity. When we returned home, there were lots of celebrations welcoming us back and showering Isaac with gifts and many people wanting to hear our adoption story. But since returning to work, the fact that Isaac was adopted isn’t at the forefront of my mind anymore. We’re just living our lives as a family and right now life feels pretty busy. It’s not that I don’t think about it. I still read adoption blogs regularly and have reminders of Zambia occasionally. However, when I talk about Isaac now it’s less about attachment, paperwork, and immigration and more about development and all the crazy things that toddlers do. We feel like a family, just one that got their start in a less than typical way.

  Sometimes though, I’ll hear things about adoption that bring out insecurities in me or frustrate me. Statements that unfairly bring into question the permanence of my family. Suddenly Isaac’s adoption is brought to the forefront of my mind. The other day it was a simple ad on the radio. The Peak was doing a contest called Peak It Forward where listeners could enter by explaining a nice thing that they would like to do for another person or organization and possibly win money towards this gift. One listener had asked for money for a plane ticket to the Philippines for his girlfriend as in his words, she was adopted and has always wanted to meet her “real” parents. That statement gutted me. The idea that this woman’s adoptive parents or me as Isaac’s adoptive mom are less real. Now, I’m sure that’s not what he meant and the idea he had for his girlfriend was great. However, this is when semantics becomes important. What this guy should have said was that his girlfriend had always wanted to meet her birth parents. This isn’t the first time that I’ve heard the use of “real parents” to describe “birth parents”. I’m slowly building my thicker skin, but still find this difficult to hear. Isaac is my son. Yes, he came to us by adoption, but his connection to me and Markus is no different than a biological child to his or her parents.
  Aside from the obvious speech-language pathology connection, semantics comes up a lot for me at work in how we describe patients and people with disabilities. Instead of referring to someone as aphasic (having a language impairment from a stroke), we now describe that person as having aphasia. Instead of saying for example, Mary is aphasic, we now say Mary has aphasia. Mary is obviously more than her aphasia and therefore the language we use to describe her language impairment is important. The use of language in this way describes what Mary has as opposed to what she is.
  In the adoption world, language is also very important. The use of adoptive and birth as descriptors helps to honor the relationship and contributions from both sets of parents in a child’s life. I find it interesting though that the language hasn’t changed to become more person centered. I feel that I’m Isaac’s mom without the need to add any descriptors or qualifiers to that statement. I don’t feel like I need to say I’m his adoptive mom.  Just like mothers with biological children don’t feel the need to say that they are their children’s birth moms. Yes, our family was created that way, but I like to think of that as an event in our life rather than an ongoing description of our family. In one of the courses we took before adopting, the instructor explained how if the need arises, she explains that her son and daughter “were” adopted rather than “are” adopted. Saying it in the past tense establishes that this was an event in her son and daughter’s lives rather than an ongoing description to them as people. Again, they are more than just their adoption, just as Isaac is.
  Language is powerful. It has the power to build someone up or tear them down. It can create connections or cause divides. Sometimes, it’s not just semantics.

Highlights from Ucluelet and Quadra

We had a great time on our trip to Ucluelet and Quadra Island. Here are some of the highlights:

Watching the storms. When they say the waves are rated as extreme, they mean business.

Walking the Wild Pacific Trail with Isaac. He had so much fun.

Crab feast.

Playing on the beach with Isaac. I thought this was hilarious when he decided to lie down in the water. And why not? Running through the waves is tiring.

Exploring the beach near our friend, Ray's house on Quadra Island. The light was amazing that evening.

I'm always amazed at how lucky we are to live near such beautiful landscapes.

The boat ride to the Kegler's cabin. Such a nice weekend with our lovely friends. Isaac was so excited to be on the barge.

We expected rain and instead we got a starry night. Perfect for a campfire.